-from The Glasshouse of Sexuality, 1st edition, published in 2025

The glasshouse of sexuality is a visual model that is designed to help people orient themselves within the increasingly complex jungle of human sexuality. It sheds light on concepts we tend to get confused about, and its purpose is to provide a simple frame for discussing them from all kinds of angles. In that sense it can be called a conversational model.

This book is for everybody with an interest in human sexuality, whether for personal or professional reasons. The main focus is on sexual orientation, but the glasshouse can also be used to explore the relationship between sexual orientation and gender identity, and how gender, gender identity, and society affect the way we express or suppress ourselves as sexual beings. The point is not to tell anybody what things are like or what to do, but to facilitate an open dialogue about these topics, with the aim of improving our understanding of ourselves and others.

For those who are feeling confused about who they are and what they want, I hope this book can help them find their way and gain that precious peace of heart that can only come with being true to oneself. I hope it can help some parents understand their kids a bit better, and assist medical and mental health professionals with guiding their patients and clients effectively through an open-minded exploration of their sexuality. Last but not least, I pray that the concepts presented here can provide some understanding and relief to those who are struggling to comprehend other people’s way of being, and make it easier for us all to get along despite our differences.

The origin of the glasshouse

I’ve often been asked how I came up with the idea of the glasshouse. I didn’t—it revealed itself to me. I have no idea where it came from, or why. I just saw it in my mind one day in 1998; there was no design involved on my part. I still remember exactly how it happened, because I was so surprised. I was twenty-five at the time and studying music theory. One day I decided to do my homework at the national library and took a seat by a windo desk. I was so bored—transposing melodies between keys is not my favorite thing to do. During a brief pause between A and B major I looked out the window, and there it was, silently hovering in my mind’s eye: a glasshouse with four equally sized rooms in it and a revolving door in the middle. I somehow knew that the rooms represented different sexual orientations. In the first room everyone was gay, in the second one everyone was straight, in the third one they were bisexual, and in the fourth room they were not available for sexual relationships with others, regardless of their sexual orientation. I also knew that the revolving door was important, as it meant those inside could change rooms, and that this model might be of use to other people one day. I took mental note of what I saw but did not write anything down just then; instead I finished transposing the melody I was working on.

A few weeks later I started telling people about the glasshouse, and they all said the same thing: “You have to write a book about this!” The model obviously resonated with them, they thought it was useful, and I knew I was on to something. After a while an upper floor revealed itself (where you can seek help and support in relation to your sexuality), then a basement (where children reside before they become sexually active), and finally an accompanying heterosexual–homosexual sliding scale.

I wrote the first draft for this book in 2002, but somehow the rest refused to manifest until two decades later. The inertia often puzzled me because I genuinely wanted to get the book out, but in hindsight I’m glad I waited, because so much has happened in the meantime. The model was born at a time when the main focus (at least in my country) was on whether you were straight, gay, or bisexual, and little attention was paid to gender and gender identity. Today, the landscape is a lot more complicated, and I imagine that the glasshouse can be of more use than ever. It has helped me understand myself and other people a whole lot better, and I hope it can do the same for you.

A common ground

I deliberately avoided scientific literature, policies, legislation and the like while writing this book. It is so easy to get lost in academic jargon, opinions and politics with a subject like this, and I don’t want that. The glasshouse came intuitively to me, and I prefer to pass the model on in its original form, irrespective of the ever-changing social climate. I do consider definitions to be important, though, because they determine the way we talk about things and create a common ground that allows us to exchange ideas and compare viewpoints with fewer misunderstandings.

The definition I use for sexual orientation is being sexually or romantically attracted to people of a particular gender, or more than one gender. Note that this definition encompasses both sexual and romantic attraction. This means that in order to belong in a particular room in the glasshouse, it is enough to be either sexually or romantically attracted to other people. You don’t have to be both (although many of us are), and the combinations can vary. While some individuals are sexually and romantically attracted to the same gender (like a homosexual homoromantic man, who is both sexually and romantically attracted to men only), others are sexually attracted to more than one gender but romantically attracted to only one (like a bisexual heteroromantic woman, who is sexually attracted to men and women but only falls in love with men). It can be the other way around, of course, with a sexual attraction to a single gender but the ability to fall in love with more than one gender. Then there are those who experience either sexual or romantic attraction to other people—not both. Asexual and aromantic individuals are thus included in the glasshouse as well—asexuals because they can feel romantically attracted to others, and aromantics because they can feel sexually attracted to others.

Words of warning!

Most societies are arranged around the notion of two opposing biological sexes—men with male gender identities and women with female gender identities—and the design of the glasshouse reflects this dualism. That is why it features sexual orientations that are based on two genders. It is well suited to individuals who fall neatly into either the male or female category, but it is not as accommodating for those whose sex characteristics, gender, or gender identity is more fluid or nuanced. The same goes for those who are attracted to more than two genders (like pansexuals, to name but one group) and those whose sexual orientation is not gender-based (like sapiosexuals, for example, who are attracted to intelligent people). Importantly, this rigid design does not represent my personal opinion so much as the way I perceive things to be in most parts of the world, whether we like it or not. Please bear this in mind at all times.

Instead of spoon-feeding you with my thoughts on where a multitude of other orientations and combinations may or may not fit into the model (such as androgynsexual, bi+, omnisexual, or pansexual polyromantic), I encourage you to dive head-first into that topic for yourself when you are done reading. If I were to create a separate room for every single definition circulating in the literature, the glasshouse would quickly become a complicated labyrinth and defy its own purpose. It would no longer be easy to navigate within it, and we (or at least I) would continue to get lost in the jungle of human sexuality. So—if you catch yourself getting irritated with the simplicity of the structure, then remember that there is a reason for it. It helps us keep our bearings while exploring these complex topics.

The limitations inherent in the model reflect the challenges many people are faced with when it comes to fitting in, and, instead of letting that get on your nerves, I urge you to think outside the frame and look for solutions whenever you can. That’s what I’ve done while writing this book, and it’s been an enormously fruitful exploration for me.

Outline and abbreviations

Chapter 1 contains my story, which I tell to illustrate my personal journey in terms of sexual orientation, gender and gender identity, and to put the concepts I’m about to discuss in a practical context. Chapters 2–8 contain descriptions of the glasshouse itself, the associated sliding scale, and an alternative model of human sexuality I call the circle of love. Chapter 9 contains my reflections on the topics of this book, while chapter 10 contains questions that can be used as an inspirational guide for further study of any matters related to this material. I’ve compiled a set of terms pertaining to sexuality and gender in a glossary chapter at the back of this book. I recommend you bookmark it now for easy referral as you go along. Note that I frequently use the following abbreviations: “hetero” for heterosexual; “bi” for bisexual; “ace” for asexual; “N/A” for not available; “cis” for cisgender; and “trans” for transgender.